Monday, August 8th, 1994


dave…….thats the whole point dumbass

dave…….thats the whole point dumbass,i wanna be there all alone center stage of Lolla,43.000 people and be stoned, covered in blood beerpiss tomatoes your own sputum and urine,Dave,a mass stoning, Historical non? i wonder…would you be looking each other in the eyes or straight ahead,in a sort of Dionysian mass hypnosis?the way i saw the girl being passed around during “Rape Me” in Ogden Utah from the side of the stage,they were all staring straightahead…as they ripped her shirt,bra, pants-grungey sort of shants actaully-panties-as they started mangling her breasts…hands on either side -her face was all screwed up in a scream- and the men were all glazed -AND STARING STRAIGHT AHEAD-my eyes followed a particularly violent boob mangling hand down to its owner- a baby faced grunge punque rocquer-at wich point i grabbed Novaselic and screamed and pointed- he jumped into the crowd and Kurt had the houselights turned on- i could only point out the cute boy for sure and the girl was bloody and hysterical -her breasts and stomach looked as though shed been clawed by jackels and Hungry Ghosts,from the coldest hell of the Bardo’s.I once stage dived at the Underworld in UK, we’d been on tour w/Mudhoney and Mr.Arm had succesfully dived on every evening,i dunno i was just in the mood,much the same happened to me, i was returned to the stage basically naked, fingers had been inside of me,my ass,vagina,etc….i know math boy…WHAT IS ETC.? well it just was etc.,i saw a photo of that moment, i was smiling,pretending everything was ok,i guess, it started to dawn on me that this had been my own fault-for bleaching and makeupping and wearing a ‘little’ dress… my friend Finch in L7 wears male drag mostly,but she said that this happened to her too on tour w/ the Beasties,just think Dave had you organized a “stoning” of me, youdve at least gotten to see the Beasties!! lotsa testoterone running rampant,wich is basically why i chose that spot… a band w/ no choruses! a band i especially loathe because my husbands success was used in very unethical ways to get that band on track, Kurt was utterly traded for that band by certain people involved in his life… and the biggest reason he didnt want to do Lollapalooza was that band, even though he couldnt stand the Pumpkins-i think-hed never admit this in a million years- but i think maybe that was a mixture of personal-i used to go out w/ someone in that band-but briefly- and the idealogical-its pretty obvious they werent his cup of tea,but he knew FULL WELL what went on with his ass getting traded re;Beastie Boys.How would you like it if you knew that you were purchasing real estate,swimming pools,merchandise franchises etc. for people who did not believe in you and who you couldnt stand, the idea of being shit on by your own’people’ ,whose careers you made possible is enough to make anyone sick!!!! Anyone!!! but i digress….Stoning me would have been really ‘Kool’ Dave-are you VERY into Pantera? or just a mix of that and Anthrax? i KNOW you had fun during the Beastie set,are you all dolled up in yer best X_BOY? as for the term “math rock/boy” it refers actaully to Godel ,Escher,Bach….It was Godel,the mathematician of complete Chaos,who said that ,2+2 does NOT neccasarily =4. Love CourtneyPS STIPE-i just got back tonite are you at the seasons du 4?pls call me in the next few days- i must tell you my funfunfun ADVENTURE-my mother in law and Kurts sister(8) Brie-anne are up and shes a dyin to meet you, Steph.is afraid to ask her nanny for a confidentiality agreement…and there are problems in that dept anyway….you can help me help her…did P show you the Guitar i gave him,? oh this is personal,way, call me……this guy here on the Internet said”we should have stoned her” ….neat huh? meet you in Salem. thanx for thee mail, do i get to have that beautiful song yet? luvvv cccc

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